Sotogawa Ai
by Lynx Tiger
Summary: HikaruxHaruhi KaoruxOc HikaruxKaoru. Apart, together. They're together in the eyes of others, but in his eyes....their in every away apart. They're the closets one can get yet the farthest on can be
1. Who Knew

**Disclaimer: I do not make any profit from Ouran High School Host or from the song Who Knew by Pink. I gave the unnamed girl in the anime a name, so I don't know if that's an OC or if that's a Unnamed Charater.  
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Who Knew

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Its hard letting go, that's what they always said when someone died or was moving away. It was always the same words of advice given, as if the other people around had went through what Kaoru had gone through. It's hard letting go.

How hard was it to them? It was heartbreaking for Kaoru. It used to be Them vs Us. They lived in a world that was locked by the strongest lock and shut by the iron gates. Yet when Haruhi managed to break that lock and grab Hikaru's wrist, the gate shut, leaving only Hikaru and Haruhi to walk in and out as they pleased.

It hurt.

It hurt as if acid was being poured all over him. His heart was shattering before every word, every scene, every glance, by everything!

Hikaru managed to like Haruhi.

She accepted his feelings. Along with the key for her to in and out. Yet, Kaoru was alone in the world that him and Hikaru built.

Wasn't it just to be the two of them forever?

Now that they were together, Kaoru did everything he could to make sure that his selfishness didn't get in the way. He set them up on a couple of dates, and even managed to get away when they were at the household, leaving them alone.

It was the only thing he could do for his big brother after everything he did for him. Wasn't it fair? And besides his brother deserved love. It was only fair. The oldest seem to fall before the younger. Was it because of influence? Kaoru prayed to god it wasn't true. If it was, then maybe that's why he was walking down the streets looking gloomy and upset even though the day was bright. He left them to their lonesome for him to find someone to spend time? Did it make any sense?

He bumped into a girl with dark black hair that was long to her shoulders. Her eyes were hidden by her bangs. "Gomen," She said in a soft voice Kaoru swore he heard before. Where he had heard it from, he couldn't remember, but her face just looked familiar.

"It's okay," Kaoru said softly to the girl as he composed himself as well as her. "Have we met before?"

"I don't think so," The girl said blinking her dark black eyes at him. She seemed to be in thought.

Kaoru nodded. "Gomen na sai." He gave her a slight smile as he turned to walk away.

"I think I remember you," The girl said making him stop. "One of the Hitachiin brothers aren't you? I'm surprised."

He turned back around and it clicked. She was the same girl that played their game. The same girl that told them that she was sorry, and begged them not to cry since she guessed wrong. It was amazing about who she was, but even more so that she just happened to be walking by the same time he was.

"Surprised?" He asked blinking.

The girl nodded, "I'm guessing you don't remember me. If you do, then I suppose you don't know my name. I'm Yuri." She said lightly.

Yuri.

A plain name for a woman that looked to be in the same pain he was. She had a smile, but her eyes were in a whirlwind of regret and pain. Or was that his reflection just shining through?

"I'm glad to see that your back." Kaoru said trying not to stare. It's been so long, and they only met ONCE.

Yuri shrugged, "It's not a big deal for me. I have to admit, I'm taken back that you changed drastically. I suppose high school brings the worst and the best out of us doesn't it?"

The worst and the best.

What does she mean by that? It was almost as if she was quoting from a book. She could have very have been for all Kaoru cared for. But then again, what did she mean by it?

"I suppose so," Kaoru said dryly.

Yuri sighed and then said, "So, what made you upset?"

Kaoru shrugged, "Nothing."

Yuri understood. "I see." She bit her lip as she looked down at the sidewalk, thinking of what she should do next. How was it that Kaoru could read her like an open book? She could very well be thinking that hell should just swallow her up there and now. "Gomen na sai." She nodded at him before turning around and walked away.

Meeting the same girl that they first hurt, meeting the same girl that played and lost. Who knew that this day was going to turn out to be something Kaoru dreaded? He sighed as he kept walking.

_If someone said count your blessings for your long gone, I guess I didn't know how, I was all wrong. They knew better, still you said forever, and ever...who knew? _

"Kaoru! What took you so long?" Hikaru saw his brother walking up the steps and opened the door before he could let himself in. Haruhi was grinning at him and was pulling him inside.

_If someone said three years from now, you'd be long gone, I'd stand up and punch them out, for their all wrong. I knew better, cuz you said forever, and ever...who knew?_

"I was just talking to a friend." Kaoru answered softly as the door shut behind him.


	2. Gomenasai

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club nor do I make any profit from it. I do not own the Unnamed charater either, I just gave the poor girl a name. I do not own Gomenasai by T.A.T.U nor make profit from that.**

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Gomenasai

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_Gomenasai for everything_

It was his fault. If he had just paid attention to him just for a second. Just for a minuet, maybe he wouldn't have chosen the path that he took. He came for him to help plenty of times, and how many times didn't he listen? He always looked out the window, thinking about Haruhi, then to think about his own pain. It stabbed him in the heart when he found out what he had done. It was his fault. It was. Everything he did, was wrong.

If he had just listened just once. Maybe he wouldn't have gotten Kaoru mad like he did. If he just listened to what warnings Kaoru was just trying to say, he wouldn't have walked out the door in frusteration. If he had just listened and tried to help his brother in pain, he wouldn't be here.

"Hikaru?" said a gentle voice. The same voice that made him feel warm, the same voice that made him feel cold. If had just listened and paid a little bit more attention on his brother then Haruhi, this wouldn't have happened.

"Its my fault." Hikaru whispered as he pressed his forehead to the glass. Kaoru refused to let them see him, refused to talk to them. Refused to even acknownledge them. Instead for company, there was a girl that looked to be about their age. Her hair was slick black and her eyes were hidden. Her skin was a pale snow color. That girl, was the only one Kaoru allowed in. Everyone else was denied.

"You can't blame him, he's still shaken." Haruhi said soothingly. She didn't understand what was going on. Maybe that was for the best.

Hikaru closed his eyes before the tears could fall.

_Gomenasai I know I let you down_

"You should forgive him," said Yuri as she leaned back in the chair to glance over to see the distraught older twin, just watching from the soundproof window. A girl was standing right next to him, a girl with bright innocent eyes that seemed to have no care in the world. Maybe she was just trying to help the older twin, but whatever she was saying, seemed to be worse.

Kaoru looked over at the window only for a split second and then said, "No. They have each other. They don't need me."

"You don't know that," Yuri said to him looking at Kaoru, "Isn't he your brother? Isn't she your friend? They need you more then you can ever know. That's why he's out there, still waiting. That's why she's still there. Even if he left, maybe she won't."

"She would." Kaoru said simply.

Yuri knew that the argument was over. He wasn't going to try. "At least...forgive him?"

"Forgive him for what? Not being there when I needed him the most? Yuri your an only child aren't you?" Kaoru looked at the girl with such force it made her wince.

Yuri nodded slowly, not understanding what the younger twin was trying to get at. She watched him, trying to make sense of what he was trying to tell her. Trying to say.

Kaoru leaned back, "Older siblings and younger siblings are suppose to be there when they can't trust their parents with their feelings. He's been there for me for so long that I just came to him...and lost him."

"What do you mean by 'lost him'?" Yuri asked soothingly trying not to be afraid.

Kaoru looked over at Yuri and then closed his eyes, "I tried to tell him that I wanted to spend a little bit more time with him, just a little bit more before he totally crossed the bridge. I was too late, wasn't I?" He chuckled weakly.

Yuri frowned at the younger twin. "Its never to late. That 'bridge' won't burn. Your still brothers if not by marriage then by blood. He'll still be there for you."

"Where was he when I needed him the most?" Kaoru asked Yuri

She held no answer

_Gomenasai 'til the end_

"Hikaru, just try to ask him." Haruhi said as she watched the older twin slowly push himself away from the glass. "I know he wants you, even if he doesn't show it."

Hikaru frowned, his eyes saddening. He could have paid attention and not have him be so reckless, "I wasn't there for him Haruhi. That's something he possibly won't ever forgive me for."

Kaoru was upset, and was down right crying, and Hikaru did nothing to tell his brother that he was still there for him. He was alone, he told him that. That was the only part of the conversation he remembered: _"Even though you're standing right here and looking out the window, I'm still cold and alone because I don't have anyone. I never will anymore. Just spend a little bit more time with me, before you cross over Hikaru. Please?"_

Hikaru didn't know what the 'cross over' term meant, but now he did. He didn't want to lose his older brother and without even realizing it, he had lost him to the most obvious thing. Their lives were locked away by a gate, it was always them and not us. Now that Haruhi had broke that gate, and that he was officially dating her as a couple and not as a friend, he was crossing over to the Outside...and left the gate hinged and broken to let the younger twin do whatever he pleased. It was the harshest punishment he could ever done to his brother. He could cross back and forth, but Kaoru wouldn't be the same...and neither would he.

How long ago was it when they would try to do anything to make sure no one figured them out? How long ago was that? A few months? A half a year? How long? Hikaru felt that memory slip away as he saw his brother lying in the hospital bed.

_I should have listened, _Hikaru thought as he backed up away from the glass. If he had listened, Kaoru wouldn't have walked out the mansion and refused to take a limo, if he had just listened, Kaoru wouldn't have left to go across the street. If he hadn't left, he would still be in the mansion telling Hikaru what was wrong, and Hikaru would be giving his support like he did in the past.

_I never needed a friend_

Kaoru closed his eyes, his brother was officially an Outsider. Someone that Kaoru didn't want to be. Yet he wasn't going to have much choice anymore. Hikaru was working hard to take down the gate,and Kaoru was doing everything to repair it as fast as he could. It irritated Hikaru and he took down the fences, if it wasn't a real life fight in reality, in their own minds and emotions, they were in a turmoil.

"Forgive him," Yuri said softly. She had been there to call out to Kaoru. He moved out of the way only slightly, but not enough not to take a full hit. His ribs were cracked, broken, and brused and his right leg and left arm were broken. He was just glad that the driver managed not to break his neck. He got hurt bad enough to go into surgury and now that he's been out for twenty four hours, he was allowed visitors. But he only allowed Yuri to walk through the door and say hello. Not his older brother, not his brother's girlfriend, no one.

She supposed it was to make her feel that it wasn't her fault, but it was obvious that the faults were deep. She knew that Kaoru blamed Hikaru for pushing him away, and it was certain that Hikaru blamed himself that he couldn't be there more often for his brother. Yuri bit her lip as she closed her eyes, "Bring Hikaru in, and just hear him out." She stood up. "I'll get him." She walked off, she had enough of the tension. The brothers needed to hear themselves out.

Yuri walked through the door and it left Kaoru numb with cold. He only used her to make sure that his brother and Haurhi wouldn't come in. But now that she was inviting them in, just to 'hear them out'. It was terrible.

Hikaru nodded to something the stranger said and walked through the door. Haruhi was still watching through the window. Hoping that the brothers would come through for another...they would...wouldn't they?

Kaoru and Hikaru looked at each other, their eyes locked only for a minuet.

_I never needed a friend...like I do now_

"Gomenasai." They choursed together at the same time. One with full of serenity and one of harshness in his voice. One wanted to repair the gate and was going to push the other out, and the other was trying to keep the gate unlocked to make sure that he could come back in.

It was obvious that Kaoru was sorry that he was going to be saying goodbye, while Hikaru just wanted to say sorry for not being there. It was to late after all. The bridge was finally crossed, Kaoru viewed him as an outsider, and Hikaru still viewed him to be a mirrior of himself.

Twins were suppose to stick together. Hikaru supposed after hearing the hardness of his brother's tone after saying sorry, that his mother was right. Even twins take their seperate ways. They can't always bring the other around. "I'll be there more often for you Kaoru." Hikaru told him softly as he stepped back to the door.

"Your not here for me now," Kaoru said as he saw his brother step back, "and you weren't here for me then. Your never going to be there for me anymore. Stop prolonging yourself. Just cross over already. Haurhi's waiting damnit. Just go."

_Gomenasai for everything_

_Gomenasai I know I let you down_

_Gomenasai 'till the end_

_I never needed a friend_

Hikaru nodded as he stepped back again and opened the door, shut it softly and then ran off, Haurhi following him. Kaoru watched the emptiness of the hallways before feeling tears slide down his cheeks.

_Like I do now_


	3. Surrender

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club nor make any profit from them. I don't own the lyrics to Surrender by Billy Talent nor make any profit from it. **

Surrender

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_Surrender every word, every thought, every sound_

"Hikaru!"

He had ran out of the hospital right after Kaoru told him that he was sorry. He knew what that meant. Not only did he say that he was sorry. No, he also told the older Hitachiin to cross over. He wasn't ready yet. Even though he knew that he had someone to wait for him across the bridge, he wasn't ready to leave the paradise that they built. Kaoru was going to lock him out. That was obvious. What wasn't, was that Hikaru had a stalker. Not a stalker really, but someone was following him. He didn't feel like turning around to face whoever it was, but he did feel like stopping for a while. He was about three streets away from where he left Kaoru, three streets and already was thinking.

"Hikaru." Something warm was placed on his shoulder. He knew by the feel of things that it was a hand. A comforting gesture. He glanced behind his shoulder to see bright around eyes that were watching him, worry was in her eyes. It was that much. He didn't like seeing the pain etched in her face, but he knew that it wasn't because of him. It was because of what happened.

"Your mad at Kaoru aren't you." It wasn't a question, it was a statement. An understatement anyway.

"Mad? No. Confused? Yes. Upset? Yes. Not mad." Hikaru corrected.

"Confused about what?" Haruhi asked.

She couldn't hear the conversation that had went on in the room since she was blocked off by soundproof windows. But she was witness to what happen. Hikaru looked away and bowed his head down. "Kaoru...he basically told me to get lost out of his life."

Silence greeted this answer. "And this is confusing how?" Haruhi asked.

"Why kick me out now? He told me I'm not there for him anymore and that I'm an Outsider. That's something we didn't want to be." Hikaru didn't respond to Haruhi's question. Possibly because he didn't want to answer the question.

_Surrender every touch, every smile, every frown_

Haurhi looked around at the street that they were on and spotted a bench that was nearby, she lightly pulled Hikaru over and sat down on it, and waited for him to catch on. Blinking she was surprised to see how fast he had sat down. He needed a break, that was for certain.

He looked so torn apart at what Kaoru had said. Haruhi didn't know what else to do, but to fallow him and made sure he didn't follow the same fate his twin did. His head was bowed down and his eyes were staring at his knees or possibly the ground beneath his feet. Wherever his was looking at, his eyes held a pain that Haruhi could tell was desperation, confusion, regret, sadness, and fear.

She bit her lip and lightly placed her hand at his lap, making him glance up over at the girl that had stayed with him. Most of the girls would give up and his stubborn act, and ingored them. She didn't leave. Why? "Why didn't you go?"

"Its obvious your in pain, and you need someone to hear you out." Haruhi explained as a couple of cars went by.

Hikaru blinked in surprise and then gave her a look. Was this really what she wanted? To stay with him and hear him complain about what Kaoru did to him? Why he was so messed up to what his brother said? She honestly wanted to hear his point of view? "Why do you want to hear me out?" He asked thinking this was some sort of trick she was playing.

_Surrender all the pain we endured until now_

"Because I might be able to help you sort out something." Haruhi said. "You did say you were confused right?"

"Yeah," Hikaru said blinking. She heard him? She heard what he was basically muttering to himself, and remembered? He was almost in complete shock. Even though Kaoru had called her an Outsider like some of the other people in the world, no all the people in the world. Hikaru was always called the Insider. They were the only Insiders. "Kaoru told me that I'm an Outsider to him because not only am I with you..."

"He says you weren't there for him either." Haruhi finished.

"Yeah."

Haurhi sighed and then said, "You guys fended for each other, and protected one another that you don't know how to go to anyone else for help. You must have did something to rub him the wrong way."

That hurt and stung. If words couldn't hurt then he was just burnt by acid. Yep, words could hurt and do more damage then they do heal. Then again, if one was hurt by words, couldn't one by healed by words? He looked at the cross-dresser host and said, "I didn't listen to him when he needed me."

Haruhi frowned as she heard this and looked away from Hikaru as if she was lost in her own thoughts. She could understand why the younger twin accused him like he did. "You were thinking about something weren't you? Distracted?"

"Sadly."

"And he came to you for help?"

"And I didn't listen."

"You both need mental help then."

That made Hikaru's head snap over to the cross dresser. "What?!"

"I said both of you need mental help. Its obvious. You guys can't keep watching the others back, you guys need to learn to come to other people for help. Yeah sure all of us has a lot on our plate and you don't want to burden us with the simplest things, but its always the avoidable that does the most harm when ignored." Haruhi explained to him. "You said you didn't listen to him and maybe his problem could have been something like...oh...um..." She thought for a minuet and then said lamely, "advice that was simple."

True, it could have been that, but why didn't Kaoru just come out and say it? Was he so absorbed in his thoughts that he only managed to hear what he said last? The only part of the conversation that he could remember: _"Even though you're standing right here and looking out the window, I'm still cold and alone because I don't have anyone. I never will anymore. Just spend a little bit more time with me, before you cross over Hikaru. Please?" _

"He told me that he doesn't have anyone." Hikaru said slowly. Then he palmed himself into his forehead groaning at the thought. He figured it out. He didn't just want him to listen and to comfort him, he didn't want to /lose/ him like he just suggested. He didn't want him to go over to the Outside yet. He wanted the paradise to be open to them longer, and now...it was to late.

"He does now." Haruhi told him.

Hikaru looked over at her.

"That girl that was in the room with him. The one that told you to go in. He has her." Haruhi didn't even bother looking at Hikaru as she said this.

_Surrender all the hope that I lost, you have found._

"Do you think he'll go to her more often then?" Hikaru asked.

Haruhi shook her head. "No, but it does opens his eyes a little to know that he still has his friends that opened the gate a little."

"A little?"

Was Haruhi really that blind? They had worked through laughter and sheer pranks building that wall up. It took hard work and a lot of encouragment to keep it up. And it grew stronger, and stronger as the years, months, and days went by. Every day, and every minuet the gate grew a little thicker, the lock a lot more harder to break, and lot more harder to find the key that they threw away. It took everything they had just to make that gate.

Everything they did to build it though, was in vain. Kaoru was going to keep it up for the longest he could. He was going to keep himself locked away in the paradise and away from the Outside. It was going to be sheer blood to make Kaoru get out of the paradise his brother and himself made.

"Well," Haruhi frowned. "Possibly not a little. But you know what I mean. Everyone of us opened the gate you guys locked yourself in at least a little. Just a little so you didn't notice."

"We noticed when you found the key to the lock and opened it." HIkaru told her sourly.

"I'm dragged into this because this is the first time someone found the key yes?" Haruhi didn't wait for a reply, "You and Kaoru are scared. You want to get out, but don't. You want to see what its like, but think its safer being in the haven you made. You want to learn what the outsider is like, but you don't want to lose the other in doing so. In other words Hikaru...you guys are scared of losing each other. A irrational fear if you know what I mean. Yet you guys made into such a big deal...that its happening. The thing you feared the most...is happening."

_Surrender yourself to me_

Hikaru bit his inner lip. She was right. He leaned back against the bench and Haruhi moved a little closer to him. Yet that didn't mean he had to like it, but she was right. They things they feared did come true because they exaggerated it so much. It was true that he cared about Haruhi and about Kaoru, but if he had to chose between the two of them, he would step back and say no. He couldn't chose between life of the Outside and life of the Inside.

They were safe in both places as long as one had a guide. He'd bring Kaoru around again. He would do anything to get his twin brother to come along. If it meant tearing down the gate just to get him to come along, that's what Hikaru would do.

A twin wouldn't be a twin without the other around. They never were without the other and they weren't going to start now. Even if Kaoru believed himself to be in the Insider and not the Outside, Hikaru would make sure he would have him fooled. He knew that he might be rushing this a little too much, but he was going to make time do its job.

Right when he got out on the other hand.

A whole new story.


	4. Razorblades

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club nor this unnamed charater witch I think turned into a big Mary-sue dispite my attempts to make her NOT be one. I do not own Razorblades by Story of the Year nor do I make profit from them.  
**

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_Razorblades_

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_This wasted so many nights and again_

Yuri came back into the room to see that Hikaru was gone and Haruhi was gone too. Yet when she came back, she also saw Kaoru crying silently through closed eyes. She felt her heart break. She hated seeing someone down, but then again...that was life.

"You shouldn't be here," Kaoru said hoarsely.

"No?" Yuri asked lightly as she walked over to his bedside and sat down next to him. Her bangs hid her eyes and her hair hid her face, her head was bowed down, staring at the white bedspread that the hospitals supplied.

Kaoru didn't argue with her when she sat down. She wasn't going to listen to him, and he didn't feel like hurting someone else. When he saw Hikaru run away, it tore at him, but he knew it had to be done. "I told him to go and leave me behind."

Yuri didn't make a sound, nor did she perk up at the words. "You gave up on him?" She asked softly.

"Not gave up, I gave in." Kaoru corrected.

Yuri looked up at him her brown eyes were clouded by confusion and the line in her lips were sucked in as if she was thinking. Yet, she didn't bother asking him at the moment.

Kaoru realized that he didn't like that look in her eyes. It made her look defeated. Then again, that was the same look she had gave them when she was thinking who was who. The first person to play their game and lost, and the first person that wasn't Haruhi to sit down next to him, the first girl to sit down in Hikaru's and Haruhi's usual seat.

He kinda liked the feeling of someone that wasn't new. But he also felt a little bit scared at the same time. It made everything feel final. Like it was written in stone, and couldn't be erased.

"Gave in?" Yuri asked finally after the silence was building tension. "What do you mean?"

"I mean is that, I told him to stop worrying about me, and start worrying about Haruhi. She's his girl now. She's his other half. Not me. Not anymore." Kaoru said to her.

Yuri nodded silently. "I see." Yet, she was only more confused. Kaoru would do anything for his brother right? So then, why did he let him go? Did the other twin just felt like it was too much? Yuri had no idea, but it wasn't her territory to tread.

Kaoru bit his lip as he sighed.

_I've wasted so much time on a friend_

"Visiting hours is almost up." Yuri said trying to start a conversation with him. "Do you want me to leave early? I mean you nearly kicked me out a couple of minuets ago."

"No, stay." Kaoru told her. "I need the company."

"Your not used to being alone," Yuri said to him. As an only child she got used to being alone, yet being alone did have dire costs. It meant that no one was going to stick up for you and that you had no one to stick up for that wasn't your blood. It was harsh, especially if you were the rich type. When you were alone, everyone around thought you made it easy.

Kaoru frowned at the words spoken. Being alone, was scary. He didn't know what paths to take, what paths to turn, witch was the bad types to tread on and witch were sturdy. He didn't even know witch path to take again and witch one not to. Hikaru usually picked the pathways. Not Kaoru. Never Kaoru. He only followed his brother faithfully, holding his hand. Yet this fork in the road, he went down with Haurhi.

"No, not really." Kaoru lied to save a little bit of his pride that he had.

"Its okay," Yuri sensed the lie, but not completely. "its hard sometimes, but sometimes its a good thing."

"A good thing of being alone? Really? I doubt it." Kaoru hissed.

Yuri glared at him, knowing all to well that he was the time to be a little bit of a prick without his brother around. And they always said that when they were apart it was easier to tell them apart. At the moment? She was confused as hell. This twin was acting like the other twin. "It is. It means your not independent on others anymore...even though I can't say much since I'm usually always going to mother for advice."

_To young to proud to understand_

"Advice?"

"If you live in the world by yourself, your going to get lost. Its okay to ask for help. Its okay to make your own choices. There's freedom and consequences, but all well worth it if you know what you want to do with yourself. The worlds brutal. From my experiences and other peoples, they can tell you its a harsh world. School...won't protect you for long. Brothers and sisters go different ways, but always cross paths once in the while." Yuri explained, "The only children in the world, have to grow up faster, and a lot more harder. They can go to their parents for advice, but they don't have anyone to cross paths with besides close relatives and friends. They don't have a brother and sister waiting for them. You are the lucky type."

"Lucky?" Kaoru scoffed at the word and at her explanation. He didn't ask for an hour long lecture.

Yuri frowned at his word, "Yes. Lucky."

"Why the hell would I be lucky?" Kaoru asked her angerily. "I lost my brother, I lost my friend, I lost my pride..."

"You lost your pride?" Now it was Yuri's turn to scoff at this. "That's funny. From the last I heard, your still saving some. And now you say you lost it? Boo-hoo pity me." She mocked at younger twin. "Don't you think its time to give up your damned act and admit defeat? Yeah its bitter medicine to swallow. But at least you have something that can make you cross the bridge anytime. When you do and the gate's gone, then maybe just maybe you can understand a little bit more what pride really is."

"So you think you know everything Yuri? Is that it? You just know this information while looking at it?" Kaoru growled at her.

Yuri fell silent. "Your right I don't know what I'm talking about. But..."

"Don't even start." Kaoru warned her.

Yuri did a heated glance over at the clock before standing up, "Visiting hours are up. I think I should go talk to your brother. And maybe you should swallow more of your self-pity. Its bitter, but maybe you think it tastes good. I don't know. I never pitied myself before. Maybe its time you should start looking to see how much..."

"Go damn it." Kaoru growled.

"how much you changed." Yuri finished as if nothing even happened. She turned on her heel so fast, Kaoru swore she just left a burnt mark into the flooring. As she walked away and the door slamming against the frame. Kaoru sighed. Self-pity? What the hell was the girl talking about?

_So this is the end_


	5. Sirens of the Sea

**Disclaimer: I do not own Ouran High School Host Club nor make any profit from them. I do not own Sirens of the Sea by Oceanlab nor make any profit from them.**

_Sirens of the Sea_

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_Leaving reason far behind_

Yuri had walked off quickly, nearly tripping herself over her feet as she huffed off through the hospital. She was only trying to help the younger twin, but now that she knew clearly that she was unneeded, she left. When the sliding doors admitted her to walk out, she looked at the sky.

It was cloudy, but it didn't mean rain. Just that the clouds were being annoying and was blocking the sun. She sighed carefully as she moved out of the way for other people and walked along the sidewalk. Talking to the older twin was far from her mind despite her threat.

Why was it that she always tried to help the hopeless cases? Her mother said it was because she understood them in a way that made everyone else look idiotic. But Yuri knew that wasn't true. It was possibly because it was a challenge. She helped people before, and refused to be helped. She said nothing about herself, and pestered others for information about themselves...people called her beautiful, but in her eyes she was the most dirtiest looking girl in the crowd.

She had no idea why helping people was her. She snapped. Had a very short temper. Always seemed to get into trouble at the littlest thing like she had just done now.

_Nothing here is cruel or kind_

She walked to the park in silence and sat down on a bench watching the kids play soccer. She remembered when she first tried to make the lonely Hitachiins' Twins to play with her. When presented with the test. She sucked in her breath and tried her best. Tears had been brimming in their eyes. When she saw the tears, she knew that she had guessed wrong.

"Please don't cry." She had begged them.

Now she was only trying to help them once again. Why did her life make her cross paths with them again and again? It was cruel and harsh and it wasn't very kind of life to do that to her. It kept embarrassing her every time she tried. Now she realized that this was why she was trying to help them.

The other twin was with the girl that had been standing at the window. Her eyes weren't fooled. The twins were being separated little by little, the gates and pathways were becoming a little bit bigger and were opening a little to fast for the other twin to grasp it. Maybe she was wrong into judging him so fast into thinking this. Twins stuck together, twins always had when they were identical or at least almost similar to the other.

Biting her lip she grasp the bench her hands. Visiting hours were up, she knew this much, but for some reason, she wanted to try again. This time she wanted to make sure she did the listening, and not the talking. This time she might be able to see what was up with the twins.

But that was going to be in vain wasn't it?

_Only your desire to set me free_

She knew it was. She bit her lip and sighed again as she leaned back into the bench all the way. A leaf fell from a nearby tree and land right next to her. She looked at it and frowned. It was in the middle of spring. It was too early to make the leaves fall. When she looked up, she saw that she was wrong. This was a crisp brown leaf that just fell from the tree just now.

It explained to her only a metaphor that her aunt used to tell her. 'Leaves fall from the trees not all at once, but one at a time. Some take longer to fall, while others go quickly.'

The twins were just like that. Falling leaves. The twin that was still walking, talking and grinning in pride was the fast falling leaf. Took everything that life threw at him and threw it back if he hated it, always took the paths that were bound to get him into trouble, or maybe took paths that made sure that he had a stable life.

The other twin, the one that swallowed self-pity was a slow faller. He wanted to hang on as long as he could before a new bud took his place. He was scared to touch the ground and let the wind carry him. He was scared to know what pathways to take without someone beside him.

Yuri knew that feeling, but she grew up with no one but her mother and relatives to help her, yet she never held a friend's hand because every time she tried, she wound up hurting them with either something she didn't mean to say or to high school drama where clothes, the right friends, and the right connections mattered.

_Let us lie here all alone_

Holding someone's hand from childhood. What was that like? Yuri had some friends, yet never lasted long enough for her to answer that question. The other twin was right, she didn't know what she was talking about. She had no idea what the twins were going through, and she had just assumed that she did.

Wasn't she part way right though? The twins did change for the better and for the worse, but change was always good. Even if it was for the worse. It only meant they were finally getting personality right?

Yuri sighed as she used her hand to brush the leaf away from the bench. She watched it fall to the ground and she frowned to herself. Life wasn't a kind thing. It was the most cruelest thing the world could have made. Yet Life was always generous despite what it was made to do.

She bit her lip as she looked at her watch. It wasn't a designer watch, but more of a one dollar type deal of a watch. She wasn't picky about jewelry or watches so she just picked out the cheapest. Maybe that's why she hardly got friends. Why should it matter?

The time was late. About six to be accurate. Yuri sighed, she had promised her mother that she would be hope at five. All this thinking that she was doing made her loose the sense of time. That was sort of typical of her. She could always get lost in her thoughts and come back and hour or two to realized she was late for something. Sighing she got up from her bench and decided to walk. It couldn't hurt being more late then what she was. It would cause her mother to worry more, but Yuri knew that if she ran off, people would talk.

_Worn away like river stone_

She sighed as she walked out of the park. The traffic was terrible, almost a traffic jam down the street by the tone of the honking horns. Possibly another bad driver who didn't know how to speed up. She sighed lightly to herself, grinning almost at the dialogue that was going through head as she thought of the little scene.

She kept walking, smiling. Keeping herself amused with the skit that she just made up on spur of the moment. A couple of times she laughed aloud at her own jokes, getting some very weird looks from the crowd. As she covered her mouth and turned around to walk backwards some to see how many people heard her, she turned back around to run into the other twin.

Just her luck.

"How's Kaoru?"

"So that's Kaoru? Funny, I still can't tell you apart from him." Yuri tried to use humor so that Hikaru wouldn't think her nuts...hell that was probably already a bad idea. "Visiting hours are up."

"Yeah, I figured." HIkaru blinked as he looked at her. "Why did he let you in?"

"I dunno, ask him tomorrow." Yuri shrugged. "He's being a really weird twin."

"Weird how?" Concern was clearly in his eyes.

"Oh...just that even though he's holding on, afraid to look down, he should try falling sometimes. Its fun." Yuri sidestepped. "Sorry, but I promised mom I'd be home around five."

"Its six fifteen." Hikaru blinked.

"Yeah, I'm late." Yuri said to him trying to get him to understand that she wasn't in the mood for idle chitchat. "I would talk to Kaoru...if that's his name...if I were you." Yuri said as she walked off.

_Let us be the sirens of the sea_


	6. Perfect

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club nor do I own Perfect by Simple Plan, I don't make profit out of either one. **

Perfect

_'Coz we lost it all_

This is the first night, the very first night that Hikaru didn't have Kaoru to sleep with. He felt more cold and lonely then he did before. He knew that it was his fault for not listening to him, his fault for watching him walk out the door when he could have grabbed his wrist and pleaded him to stay...his fault for loving someone that was an Outsider.

Yet, he knew that he couldn't change that. He knew that his love for Haruhi was only going to grow stronger, not weaker. But he promised himself, that when Kaoru could be rational again, he could ask for forgiveness. Surely, Kaoru would accept it right?

Wishful thinking. Tommorrow, Kaoru would only demand that he should go spend more time with Haruhi. Hikaru bit his lip. Why did Kaoru think he would put Haruhi before Kaoru when it was times like these? Why did Kaoru think that he would just walk and date Haruhi when his brother was in serious shit like he was at the moment? He growled under his breath as he lied down.

It felt weird to feel how cold the bed was without Kaoru. It felt like it was just air. He knew that it was just wishful thinking that once he got out everything would be the same. Yet Hikaru somehow got this feeling that even if it did, the cold feeling would still be there. To torture him and mock him, teasing him that he was let off too early.

He deserved every insult Kaoru could throw at him. As long as he didn't say he hated him, then he knew that he deserved it...even the hating.

He couldn't deny it. He failed Kaoru. He failed him, and was asked to leave the sanctuary they built together. Just the two of them. Did Kaoru really thought that it was that simple? To walk away from something that the two of them had done together? There was a reason why they built that world.

Hikaru knew though.

It was HIS fault for tearing down and held out his hand for Haruhi to take. He thought, that Kaoru would accept her into the world. But instead of accepting her, he was throwing him out their world and told him to live in hers.

She wouldn't object.

But she would ask questions that Hikaru didn't find good. She would ask, why was Kaoru acting the way he was. There was no answer unless Kaoru was asked himself. Hell, even Hikaru didn't know what was going on in his mind.

_Nothing lasts forever_

_What is going on Kaoru? _Hikaru thought as he stared up blankly at the ceiling above him. Staring at the plain whiteness of it. Just like in the hospital room. It was just to white. Hikaru remembered that the two of them hated white unless it was in style or it was underwear, other wise, they wouldn't wear it. He laughed to himself, yet the pain was still there. Mocking him, telling him that he shouldn't laugh when Kaoru wasn't around.

_This is too much. Are you telling me that your done with the burdens, Kaoru? That you just want to stop the pain? Why can't you just tell me instead of throwing me out of the world me and you created. Where's the point? _Something wet dripped down his eyes, stinging them with salt or dust, he didn't care. It slid down his cheeks. It was a warm wetness, but the pain just only made it worse. Hikaru turned over to his side and curled himself a little, he wasn't going to stop the tears, but he wasn't going to sob hysterically like some people would.

Hikaru just didn't understand. He was trying to be there for Kaoru, and he was being pushed away. He only tried to help his brother, and tried to apologize. He tried to be sincere, but Kaoru was cold and harsh in his apology. He only wanted to see his brother get out of the room, and out of his life.

Life.

Out of his life.

That only made the tears come faster.

_I'm sorry I can't be perfect_

"Hikaru?"

"Yeah mom?" Hikaru muffled his answer into the pillow acting like he had been asleep.

"Kaoru's on the phone...he wants to talk with you."

"I'll be there." Talk to him? Kaoru? He nearly jumped off the bed and hastily wiped his tears away from his cheeks as he walked to the door at a brisk walk. He walked down the stairs to the phone and picked it up. "Kaoru?"

"I know what I said was harsh," Kaoru's voice flowed smoothly through the phone, giving Hikaru some hope that he was just calling to apologize and accept him back into their world. "It was the wrong time for me to suggest it."

Suggest? "Wh-what do you mean?" Hikaru asked, his heart beating faster and wilder at every second and word he spoke and had to wait. What was his brother trying to say?

Kaoru seemed to either hesitate or was lost for words. "Hikaru...you're always with Haruhi..."

"I know, but when you get back. I'll try to spend some more time with you." Hikaru hastily said. "I promise."

"Its a promise you can't keep." Kaoru said trying not to sound rough. Yet Hikaru could hear an edge in his voice. "Listen to me Hikaru. It was the wrong time for me to suggest it, and it was the wrong time for me to burden you with it. But, we do need to talk this out. I know I was being a jerk earlier and was rash, but..."

_Now it's just too late, and we can't go back_

"A promise I can't keep?" Hikaru couldn't stand the fact that Kaoru thought he couldn't keep his word. Then again, how many promises did he break by holding Haruhi's hand and whispered sweet sinful things in her ear? How many promises did he break when they were told apart when he told Kaoru that they were never going to be told apart?

"Exactly. You love her, Hikaru...this Outsider's world suits you far more then it does me. You know this." Kaoru was going to really do this? "Just stop waiting for me to cross the damn bridge, stop waiting for me when your halfway there. Just stop." He sounded as if he was crying. Yet, Hikaru couldn't be for certain. "You have to keep going, move forward. It wasn't your fault. This accident wasn't your fault. Stop blaming yourself. See me once in a while, and have some fun. You're with Haruhi. What more could you want?"

"WHAT MORE COULD I WANT?" Hikaru lost it. That whole speech sounded more like a good bye then it did an apology. "Damn it KAORU I WANT YOU TO COME BACK IN MY LIFE, STOP BEING SELFISH."

Kaoru was either stunned by his outburst or he was momentarily waiting for him to calm down. Either way, it gave Hikaru some comfort that his brother was taking this seriously and wasn't laughing at him. His heart was breaking, Kaoru didn't know it. He was loosing.

"Selfish?" was the silent soft spoken answer on the other line. "That's true isn't it?"

Was he finally going to see what he was doing?

Nope. "After all, nothing can stay. I'll leave our world like you did. Find a girl, love her dearly, like you and Haruhi. She's not going to be Haruhi of coarse, all girls are unique. But, I'm going to stay in it for a while longer. To drink in what I have left."

"Do you realize that every minuet your saying this, I'm starting worry that your about to kill yourself?" Hikaru told him trying to lighten up the mood.

Kaoru's laugh was a little forced, but willing. "Do you think I would stoop that low?"

"Uh...point taken. How long can you be on the phone for?" Hikaru finally asked.

"Shit, I went overtime by three minuets." Kaoru groaned. "Gotta go now. And remember damn it. Go cross the bridge before I tell someone to get you to cross it. I will get Haruhi to get you to."

"You would not." Hikaru was stunned.

Kaoru's smug yet uncertain voice answered, "Watch me." Before the line went dead.

_I'm sorry, I can't be perfect_

Hikaru gently set the phone down, drinking in the conversation. He was frightened and scared. Why was Kaoru doing this to him? They were always the twins, now they were going to be the told apart twins. Everyone would know which was Hikaru since he was with Haruhi and everyone would know which was Kaoru since he was not just going to be alone...but was also was going to have a girl on his arm. Just not at the moment.

Why did Kaoru tell him to cross without him? To drink in what was left? What did he mean? Did he really lose his brother so badly that he couldn't turn around to just grasp it again?

The thoughts wouldn't stop stirring, even after Hikaru walked up to his bedroom to sleep.


	7. Leave Out All The Rest

**Disclaimer: I don't own Ouran High School Host Club nor do I make any profit from them. I don't own Leave Out All The Rest by Linkin Park nor make any profit from that.**

Leave Out All The Rest

------------------------

_When my time comes, forget the wrong that I've done_

Kaoru woke up to face the curtained windows that blocked out the hallway that lead to the waiting room of the hosptal. Faintly, he wondered what he was doing here, but remembered about the wreck. He looked down at the palm of his right hand with the needle dripping IV into his veins. Frowning, he glanced over at the phone and remembered the call.

He wanted to talk to Hikaru, about what he said. He knew that he only broke his brother's heart even more then he had mended, but life was cruel. They couldn't leave in their little world forever. He knew that right when Haruhi decided to tell them apart. If they hadn't challenged her like they did, then they would have been safe.

Fates were playing a non-safe game with them that time. They tempted it as well. Didn't their maid once say to them that there possibly wouldn't be anyone that would be able to tell them apart? Even if that's what they wanted? Even though she stole more then just money, she had shattered their hope. But when it wasn't renewed and wanted to keep it that way, Haruhi claimed that someone could. And it just happened to soon.

Or was it too late? He sighed as he turned his head away from the phone and thoughts. What time was it? He glanced over at the covered windows and sighed. No way was he going to be told when visiting hours were going to happen. No way were they going to tell him. Just allow anyone to walk into the room.

_Help me leave some reasons to be missed_

"Kaoru?"

He glanced over to the door he thought that was locked, but happened that it wasn't. His mirror was standing right at the doorway, his eyes were red and cheeks were stained. His hair was a little screwed up, possibly from running.

"Hi." Kaoru tried to force a smile, tried to forget about the phone call. He didn't mean for this to happen.

Hikaru ran over to him and before Kaoru knew it, he was in Hikaru's arms. His head was buried into Kaoru's shoulder and he felt something wet land there. Feeling that it was his fault and knowing that this went deeper then what last night held, he carefully pulled him closer and made him sit down on the side of the bed, somewhere were they could talk and be comfortable.

"Don't you say it." Hikaru choked as his voice became muffled from the 'pillow' that he was using. Kaoru frowned and opened his mouth to say something, but Hikaru beat him to it. "Don't tell me to get out. Please Kaoru..."

"I said for you to cross the bridge with Haruhi. I never told you to get out." Kaoru soothed softly.

"Crossing over is getting out Kaoru." He pulled away from his brother's embrace and stared into his eyes. One was full of pain while the other was in confusion. "Please Kaoru, just stop telling me to get on with my life. To spend more time with Haruhi then with you. I know what I'm suppose to do!" He used the back of his hand to wipe away some more tears that were about to fall from his eyes.

Kaoru frowned. "That's what I want you to do though, HIkaru. We're not going to be separated. We still have our room."

"Don't you THINK that I DON'T KNOW what your GOING TO DO when YOU GET HOME!" Hikaru half shouted the whole speech.

_Don't resent me _

Kaoru frowned as his brother sadly and then said, "It was going to be piece by piece, little by little."

"Yeah, and to make sure that I didn't notice right?" Hikaru growled softly under his breath. "Damn it Kaoru just because I love Haruhi doesn't mean I'm going to toss you aside like you're worthless. I'm not that kind of brother. I would keep you close as I would Haruhi. Even if me and Haruhi get married or something happened to us that went downhill, that doesn't mean that I'm going to say good bye."

"Some speech." Kaoru tried to lighten up the mood with a soft grin on her face. "Obviously, you planned it all out before you got here."

"Planned?" Hikaru nearly burst into tears again. "Damn it Kaoru...you are acting more and more like a fool."

"What's that suppose to mean?" Kaoru asked his brother.

Hikaru straightened up and looked at his right hand. Kaoru's hand held a taped needle while his hand was pure and clean. He hadn't been so near death, but Kaoru did...and now everyone was going to be able to tell them apart just by how beat up the other looked. "Kaoru, you can't have thought I planned it." He said trying to get his grip together.

"Hey...did I come in at a bad time?"

The two boys looked over to see Haruhi standing at the doorway blinking. She held the door opened with one hand and was holding a box or something in the other. Her brown eyes turning to one twin to the other.

_And when you're feeling empty, keep me in your memory_

"Nope!" Kaoru said as he scooted up in his bed and snuggled into the covers lightly. "What's up Haruhi?"

"Nothing much," Haruhi said as she walked in after closing the door behind her. She walked over and set something down to his bedside before pulling a chair for Hikaru and then pulled on up for herself. "Just thought to bring these over. Thought you must be bored with nothing to do but lie there."

"Thanks for reminding me of pleasures of walking." Kaoru joked lightly. "The doctors think that if I start walking I would run out of the room."

"That's sweet to know." Haruhi rolled her eyes while Hikaru shook his head a fast grin was spreading over his face.

Kaoru smirked lightly before looking at the bedside table. "What did you bring?"

"If you take it and open it, you may just find out." Haruhi said to Kaoru who reached over and took it. It was light but heavy at the same time. He noticed that the thing she held was a white binder full of plastic. Opening the cover his eyes widen when he saw pictures of the Host Club all together and with different actives. Some were indivual like Haruhi and Tamaki and some were in pairs like Mori and Honey.

"Pictures of everyone." Kaoru blinked.

"Including you and Hikaru before the accident." Haruhi said as she pointed over one picture of some sort of picnic and Hikaru and Kaoru were just lying down on their stomachs grinning and doing the peace sign over at the camera, being mischievous.

Kaoru frowned as he turned the page over to some sort of pool party where Hikaru was sitting out and was just grinning slightly, and Kaoru was sitting at the pool's edge his feet dipped in the water. Kyouya was in the picture writing something down on his notebook. Not even close to knowing who or what took the picture.

"I took some of them while Tamaki did others." said Haruhi laughing slightly. "Other ones after the accident I mean, were all taken by me. We all wanted you to see what you were missing out, because we thought you might want to know that nothings been the same without you around."

_Leave out all the rest_

"Thank you, Haruhi." Kaoru said softly as he closed the binder and held out his arm to give her an one armed hug. "Thank you."

Hikaru's eyes closed lightly as he leaned back into his chair. He opened his eyes, and a small placid smile glued to his lips. "Glad that you finally realize what your going to be missing if you walked out of our world."

"Its your fault." Kaoru said lightly.

"HOW THE HELL WAS IT MINE?"

_Leave out all the rest_


End file.
